I’ve been busy completing an art course that is not like anything I’ve ever done before.
It’s not primarily about learning a new technique, but rather about getting more in touch with yourself through painting. It is meditative painting. Something that really intrigued me!

The course is called the 22 Day Tara Painting Mediation Challenge (if you use this link you’ll get a 15% discount!)

Each day you paint a new layer. All the while learning not to be too scared to make mistakes as another layer will cover what you have painted. A very refreshing take on painting! And a big challenge for someone who is a bit of a perfectionist like me.

I enjoyed each and every layer until I reached layer 19.

Layer 19 stopped me in my tracks. It challenged me on a deep personal level in ways I never realised a painting could.

Up until now, I was pretty happy with my painting, including the lotus flower on which she is sitting. Having said that, another part of me wanted it to look more like a flower.

For 5 days, I did no painting, just thinking.

All these thoughts and questions going round and round in my head:

- Do I risk ruining my existing painting?
- I've come so far, I dont want to mess it up now
- It's good enough as it is, you like it, so leave it alone. Gone where the thoughts that it was just another layer that would get painted over (probably because I was coming to the last few layers).

But all these thoughts were met with another thought - if I dont change it, then everytime I look at this painting I will wonder what could have been - is that what I want when I look at this painting? No i want to enjoy her!

Another BIG challenging question came my way: “What if I make it even better?”
Obviously I then thought “But what if you don't?”

Was I willing to risk not improving my painting? Half of me was, but the half wasn’t.

I needed to 'get out of my own way' (some of the words I had jotted down in one of the earlier lessons that had resonated with me.)

I needed to back myself, believe in myself. Not just say the words, but actually frikkin do it! That meant I needed to have courage and conviction. Clearly I lacked a bit of that.

Last night I decided to pick up my paint brush, not to tackle the lotus flower, but to work on other parts. My 11 year old son came in and started complimenting me on the painting. I explained my dilemma to him. He basically recited all the 'what if you ruin it?' thoughts I'd been having. He understood my thoughts, as he is very hard on himself.

I assured him that that was exactly what had been going through my mind. He kept pondering whether or not it was worth the risk, just as I'd been doing over the past 5 days. Eventually I replied with 'but what if i make it even better'?

He grew silent, he understood my predicament. With him still standing beside me, before i could stop myself , I painted the shape of a new lotus leaf - in BLACK none the less!!

"What are you doing Mom???" he cried out in horror!!! Reaching out to stop my hand.
I looked him straight in the eye and said - "I'm backing myself".

He grew silent again, and then he smiled at me and left me to it.

The mark I made wasnt what I ended up using anyway, but 3 seconds of courage was all it took to make those marks. I spent the rest of the evening working on the lotus flower. Feeling proud to have backed myself.

- Is it better than it was before? Maybe, maybe not.
- Does it matter? No
- Am I finished working on it? I doubt it
- Do I regret it? No!
- Would I do it again? 100% yes! I backed myself and that feels like the best gift I have ever given myself!

As a chronic people pleaser, doing something for myself, from my heart, doesn't come naturally. I hope this is the first step of many!

Lessons learnt to apply to life and not just painting:

Back yourself!!
Get out of your own way!!
3 seconds of courage is all you need!!

What beautiful lessons to learn - and to share with my son too! :)

Thank you Whitney Freya for the incredible course!
Thank you Layer 19!

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If you’d like to take this journey of the 22 Day Tara Painting Mediation Challenge click here to get 15% off.

3 Seconds of Courage!